I'm thankful we are going to a parenting course tonight because it's as if Satan has attacked Sam and I alllllll day today with parenting issues. I've even been reading a christian Power of a Praying Parent book so as to "be a better parent". I realize by reading it it doesn't make me a better parent, but it gives me the insight to do so. My devotional today didn't have a lot to do with this but it was so heavy on my heart I needed to share it. Why, why , why do I often go against what my husband tells the kids? why do I take their side??? What is it in me that still holds a grudge against him that I feel so devious as to argue a point as if I were the kids defense lawyer in a trial? Is it selfishness? Is it that I think some of his rules are idiotic? perhaps a little of both...but, why do I feel like I have to always conform my ways and why do the boys not listen to me as well as they listen to him? would this be different if we had a girl? Somedays I think "golly, i fwe had a lil girl he would know the feeling of that giving in and being lenient at times feeling is concerned" He always says, "no, I would be just as hard on a girl and I would not fall into vulnerability because of it". I want to be a good nurturing parent but one that is able to follow through with discipline as well. I just feel like some days I am a broken record that doesn't get listened to at all. And then the minute, my husband says something the kids obey it. also, I feel like a broken record at times around my husband too...I get so tired of repeating myself. I get so tired of repeating myself. I get so tired of repeating myself. got it? :)
So, the scripture reading today was Romans 8:24-25 "For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? but if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it." I was a bit confused on this one...but...
It's about changing our image from the inside out. It was speaking more of physical image in the sense of if you feel fat you start believing it, etc... Well, I feel like my inner image of myself needs changed too...from feeling inadequate to be a proper mom to feeling qualified for this job God gave me on earth. I am raising future husbands so I pray that as my own mind, thoughts and actions change that I too would roll that over onto the children and they would see by role model good and not bad and would in turn make this battle easier. I pray that Sam and I can get on a same parenting basis ALL THE TIME...not just when we are discussing it...but at all times...I pray we do not fight tonight at this discussion, because I am feeling a b it crankier/grumpy today for some reason. I still feel blessed and joyful, just have a grumpy jacket on that is stuck on me and I can't get it off.